I am all for voluntary polygamy where spouses have equal rights to enter plural marriages.
Many islamic websites however, try to find excuses for the warped and sick kind of polygyny that is allowed in islam. Of course there are no excuses for allowing a husband to take a second wife against the will of his first wife, or without her knowledge! There are no excuses for claiming a right while denying your spouse the same right! Muslims will however try to come up with these, and islamic websites are full of these apologist explanations. One website e.g. tries to show that all disadvantages are justified. Take a look at this idiotic, amoral intellectual mind roll:
Major disadvantages of Polygamy:
The following are the major disadvantages of polygamy from the Wife Perspective:
A. Less time with the husband; since his spared time is now shared between two or more wives
B. Less attention
C. Jealousy and unshared love; since the woman likes to have full attention and full unshared love from her partner.
D. Family malfunctioning and Chaos since husband spends less time with the children i.e. less discipline and guiding.
E. Less money saved or given to the wife and children since money should be shared co-equally with the other family.
F. Population problems that burden the society since both wives (may be more) are going to have children.
G. Unfairness and discrimination; since the husband can have more than one partner while the wife should marry only and exclusively one.
But are the above disadvantages exclusively because of polygamy, or they can be found in monogamy as well. And can any of those disadvantages considered a big obstacle if compared to the advantages of conditional pure polygamy.
The following explain each disadvantage as a case and analyze it to show whether each one is worth it to be considered a case to overweigh the advantage of polygamy.
Over all, the reader has to keep in mind that purity, honesty, justice, and doing good are one of the major attributes that Islam calls for. Therefore, any relation or behavior that is committed by the husband or the wife and it does not fall with in those categories, it would be considered a big sin and inhumane act i.e. a major disadvantages:
“Allah commands justice, the doing of good, and liberality to kith and kin, and He forbids all shameful deeds, and injustice and rebellion: He instructs you, that ye may receive admonition” (Quran 16:90)
1. Case “A”: spending less time with the wife might be because of other factors too. For instance, the husband’s job is based on overtime or even it requires lots traveling per year. So, do we say that he is not allowed to get married because there is certain time he is not sharing it with his wife or his children. Therefore, if a person is rich enough, rather than spending his time at work and traveling from one country to another, he can spends that time with another wife in a more aptly and equally controlled way. Keep in mind that, if a husband has more than one wife, he has to spend his time with his wives coequally.
The argument here is that since men spend so much time away from their wives, one more reason is ok! Is a severe intellectual handicap an obligatory requirement to become a muslim scholar nowadays?? And, since women spend a lot of time working et.c. too nowadays, I suppose you could claim that this is an argument for polyandry as well? Why not have married people give up on spending any time together at all?? That sure would make for a decrease in divorce rates! 😉
2. Case “B”:Less attention to the wife might occur because of other reasons too. If the husband is so much occupied by his job, business, or studying for sure his wife will not get adequate attention. And if she does get some attention and caring it will not meet her expectations. In this matter, Should we tell those kinds of husbands to divorce their wives or not to get married if there have not been married yet. Nevertheless, the wife should understand her husband circumstances. She should bare with him the side affect of marrying another wife since she did not from the beginning had objected about the idea of polygamy and made a condition in her marriage contract.
So, if a husband works extremely hard, is occupied all the time by his job causing his wife to feel neglected – that would be an argument FOR polygyny?? How did you do in maths and logics in school?? Failed, huh?? Don’t worry. I believe that all people, retards and others alike, have equal rights and equal value. By the way brother – did you have a clause in your marriage contract forbidding your wife to take a second spouse? No? Then, since you didn’t object from the beginning, I suppose you are willing to share!
3. Case “C”: That is right and the emotion of woman and her interest should be highly considered by the husband. However, if the conditions of polygamy are satisfied and the husband’s desire is above normal then what would be the solution. Should he just go a head and cheat on his wife with women that usually hang out with any guy. And by that he will be transferring diseases, committing adultery, and threatening the family stability. Especially when cheating on the wife becomes habitual with any lady that clicks on his emotion.
And when this polygynous man is away, leaving his wife without sex and love, he must allow her too to have legal satisfying sex by also marrying a second, third and fourth?? Of course! Otherwise, you are making her twice as likely to fall into sin, by refusing her sex. And you wouldn’t want that would you? (That you state that a muslim husband with high libido but only one wife probably would start to fuck women “who hang around with any guy) says a lot about the morals of muslim men. And a lot about how you view women. However, you are right in saying that no sane woman should ever hang out with, or have relations with, a muslim man.
4. Case “D”: Family malfunctioning is a wide general problem and is not exclusively a result of polygamy. Moreover, it is because of unwise decisions and acts regardless of the size of the family. A person might find a disordered family though it just consists of: husband, wife, and one child. But, all of its members are conveniently ignorant and irresponsible.
So if the kids are likely to become hooligans anyway, it’s just as well they lose half their dad?? You really are intellectually warped, brother!
5. Case “E”: Applying that case in the family is a disaster. And, its argument is so weak because what if there is a big family. Or, what if that family consists of more than 5 or 6 members does. Should the wife start aborting lives to control the budget of the family? Even in the case of using lawful birth control ways, it would be forbidden in Islam if they are used because of the fear of poverty. The Muslim, above all, has to rely on God, in any aspect of life , because God is the one that bestowed upon him/her before any one else, and because of His bestowing and wisdom you have the tools and abilities to make money: “Kill not your children for fear of want (poverty): We shall provide sustenance for them as well as for you. Verily the killing of them is a great sin” Quran 17:31.Therefore, that case is a big deal for those who really weigh things based on money and materialism but it is not so with pious people if the money where coequally and wisely shared. Nevertheless, money is not everything. The husband who is rich now might be poor tomorrow. And the husband whose job is very good today might be jobless one day. But Moreover, the Muslim, above all, has to rely on God, when he is involved in any thing, because God is the one that bestowed upon him/her before any one else, and because of His bestowing and wisdom you have the tools and ability to make money: “Kill not your children for fear of want (poverty): We shall provide sustenance for them as well as for you. Verily the killing of them is a great sin” Quran 17:31.
Ha ha! So it’s a strict condition in order to be polygamous that you must be able to provide for the families. So strict that, if you can’t, then fine, because Allah will??? Ha ha 😀 I don’t understand how anybody can buy into this crap!!! Must be a man to come up with something as blatantly stupid! This is one of the major arguments against polygyny – FOR polyandry. And if you can’t provide for your first family to exactly the same standard as always, you shouldn’t be allowed to take a second spouse. Simple.
6. Case “F”: That argument could be used in any big family even if it falls under the Monogamy practice. Organizing the population is fine with Islam as long as no abortion is involved even in the early the development phases when the fetus still in like fertilized egg or zygote. So, a husband who has two families with acceptable number of kids rather than having big family with numerous numbers of children will not threat population.
Ok, we already know that you are mentally challenged. Any first grader will tell you that a daddy rabbit will be able to have more baby rabbits with many mama rabbits. But I can tell you that polyandry will solve this problem perfectly!
7. Case “G”: That might sound a fair complain and objection but if we research it and analyze it, it would not be that valid and practical. It is just a utopian objection that is driven by emotional reaction.
First, because Islam considers the husband as the main supervisor in the family though the wife has it important supervisory role: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Quran 4. 34” It is the husband’s responsibility to find a job, work hard, make money, make the life of his wife and family comfortable and if the wife is working, the money that she makes will be her exclusively and has the full right not to spend it on the husband. Also, while men emotionally -and even physiologically- more rigid and they are more prepared for hard circumstances and environment women usually are more emotional, benign, and sensitive. Such factors, in addition to some others, make the husband more reliable to be in the charge of supervisory.
Second, the wife is more toward one-to-one exclusive loving relation. Her complex emotions make her more comfortable in being dedicated to one person i.e. one husband; especially if she feels that her husband is the person that can offer her protection, love, honesty, and tranquility. And that might me the explanation why usually women are more jealous than men. They, generally speaking, go crazy if they feel or even see the husband looking or talking kindly to another woman.
Third and as described above, the wife-in general-considers emotion as a priority, and if she is getting full attention and love from the husband side, she will not feel comfortable in sharing her emotion with another man nor giving him her body since any physical contact should first pass through the gate of honest, valid emotion. However, some women might not be that way, but as mentioned before the law goes with majority. If there are some special cases then they have to be reviewed by an Islamic Court for proper Islamic solution. On the other hand, the husband, especially in the long run of marriage, might give emotion less attention. He, in general, would be more attracted and attached to physical beauty than emotion; since he sees in that attraction an ultimate satisfaction for his desire. That physiological behavior, which widely seen in men, becomes a threat on the relation with wife if it starts growing or becomes uncontrolled. Since, it will push the husband to have unlawful hidden affairs with other women causing less attention and caring on the wife side. In that situation, when the husband’s sexual desire can not be saturated by just one woman – especially when his wife has pregnancy or menstrual related issues or not emotionally ready when he needs her, what would be the solution?
Fourth, assume the following the husband marries more than one wife and those wives each one of them marries additional husband then what about the children to whom they belong or to whom they listen. And if the husband wants to apply his supervisory role, the wife of two husbands might end up of two contradicted statement .Also, who is going to spend on the family? Overall, a family, like any other healthy organization, can not have two principals or supervisors. Can a person imagine a country directed by two presidents?
So theoretically it might sound good for the wife to have more than one husband, but since Islam considers the husband as the main supervisor of the family it would not be practical at all.
First of all, women are more intelligent than men. Globally, women are better trained than men, have higher academic degrees and better grades and are therefore better suited for high level jobs. Women are hence better suited to be bread winners and leaders than men. Women are also less aggressive, if anybody should be restricted physically and put under a guardian, it is men. You are saying women will want only one man if he gives them: “protection, love, honesty, and tranquility” But you see, by becoming polygamous, he is denying them exactly that! So by becoming polygamous, he is taking away exactly the things that will keep his wife loyal, loving and chaste! 😉 You are also saying that: “if she is getting full attention and love from the husband side, she will not feel comfortable in sharing her emotion with another man nor giving him her body” 😀 Oh dear, brother: BY BECOMING POLYGAMOUS THE HUSBAND IS FOREVER DENYING HIS WIFE THIS SINCE SHE WILL NOT GET FULL ATTENTION AND LOVE – SHE WILL ONLY GET HALF!!!!!!! So, the husband is, if we should follow your logic, forcing her to have affairs since muslim countries don’t allow polyandry!!! When she only gets half of the attention and love she needs, she will look elsewhere!!
Women nowadays work and provide for themselves and their families. And no man has god given rights to be the head of the household in a world where that kind of misogynist crap is arcane. So, you’re right – islam isn’t practical at all!