Answer: A very good and important question!
When my husband became polygamous he landed me in it out of the blue! I had very little knowledge about practising polygamy the islamic way, and I was in such shock, I wasn’t really fit to discuss or decide on anything. He simply told me his plans.
He had obviously discussed the matter a lot with his polygamous friends (my husband is a member of a club for arab business men in London) and had learnt from them how to solve every day issues like schedules. So he said he would have to spend equal time with me and her from then on. He first suggested a two day schedule, but I immediately felt I wouldn’t be able to have him come back to me with traces of her all over him every three days. So we decided on a four day rotating schedule.
When I became polygamous too, we simply kept that arrangement. When my husband first took on a second “wife” we both got to choose 3 days each for “special occasions” She made a list of three, and so did I. She said I could have first pick, so I chose Christmas Eve. (My son refuses to have anything to do with his father, so I spend X-mas Eve with my husband and our daughter, and then I spend Christmas with my daughter, my son, Graham (#2) and some family) She chose Eid al fitr. Then I chose our anniversary (in July) and she chose Eid al adha. Then, I didn’t really know what to choose. I mean, I want to be able to spend some New Years, and some birthdays with Graham and my children, so I didn’t want them as set days with my husband. So, I did something not so nice. Once, when I was looking for some aspirin in the bedroom cupboards I happened to find some kind of paper from their “wedding”. So I knew it took place Nov 5. (I had asked a couple of times, but he refused to tell me..) So – I chose Guy Fawkes as my third set day… :p I could tell he was really consternated by this – obviously it was the third day on her list….. He kept screaming that I had never cared about Guy Fawkes, but I just explained why I didn’t want to choose my birthday, and said I didn’t want to cause him to sin by choosing any other christian holiday…. 😉 So in the end he called her, and she chose to add another day to Eid al fitr.
Apart from that, we got two vacations each, 7 days+4. A couple of times we have added an extra weekend vacation, maybe added 2 days to the 4, and when all agreed that’s been fine.
When my husband’s #2 had to go to Oman she voluntarily gave up all her days to me, and in turn I have granted her all my husband’s vacation weeks.