A New Day

ThreeringsJust saw Graham off to work, sitting here sipping the last of my coffee before I’m off too.

I’m reading this marvellous book called The Secret Rooms. It almost hurts to put it down so I have skipped the newspapers today and read the book instead.

After work we’re going flat hopping with an estate agent, looking for a small flat for my daughter, with a couple of extra rooms for when my son is in town or if Graham or I ever need a day away from the annex. My husbands really are coping very well right now, but I can see the time coming when we might like a night away, alone.

My first husband is away on a business trip, but he’ll be back tonight. I might look in on him just to say hello.

I’d like to take this opportunity to clarify something. In my very first post here I wrote:

I met my husband at university. He’s arab. He’s a muslim, but very liberal. He’s lived most of his life in the UK, and I’ve always thought of him as British rather than arab. We agreed we could both respect each others views. I respect his religion, and I’ve always tried to do my best to make the kids feel part of their father’s culture and beliefs, although I understand that I fall short since I’m no muslim. My husband promised to respect my liberal agnostic view on life. Live and let live.

Some of you have written to remind me of this, and let me know that I am a hypocrite since I wrote that I respect my first husband’s religion, while these people who contact me claim that it’s obvious I do not.

You must understand, I wrote I respect my husband’s religion. I didn’t write islam. When he and I met I tried my best to learn about islam, to be able to understand his religion. I found some of it beautiful, some of it appalling. He could understand my being an agnostic and respect it, although he found it difficult to grasp how I could live without faith. So we decided we would both respect that the other held a different creed.

When my husband threw polygyny at me, my world was in ruins. When I started to look into my islamic rights in the situation, that’s when I lost all respect for islam. I only had the right to equal money and equal nights – that’s it. No right to object, no right to divorce, no right to end their “marriage”, no right to equality, no right to love, no rights to anything. Islam proved itself to be a toxic goo, entrapping and imprisoning women.

Later, when my husband proved himself able to let his respect for democracy, human rights and equality overcome his cultural influences, so he could accept my equal right to polygamy, I could respect his religion again. NOT ISLAM. But the religion practised by my husband. Some kind of moderate islam-based religion of liberalism and equality. I am fine with that. Get it?

So, off to work!

2 thoughts on “A New Day

  1. But once again, interestingly, while he may have let his respect for democracy, human rights and equality overcome his cultural influences where YOU and your situation is concerned, he has not done the same where his 2nd marriage is concerned. For her and their marriage he has no respect for democracy, human rights and equality and is allowing his cultural influences to totally dictate how he treats her – or should I say mistreats her! Almost everything you are ranting against in other men’s behavior concerning polygamy on this blog, YOUR husband is doing to his 2nd wife.

    Does that not cause you some concern about the man he really is? There is NO kind of moderate Islam-based religion of liberalism and equality being shown in their marriage!

  2. That is a true and valid point. You know, for me she is like a black space on the map, terrain I do not venture into. I prefer forgetting she exists. I know that I am being extremely nasty towards her at times, but the moment she agreed to “marry” my husband WHILE KNOWING I did not know about it and would violently resent it was the moment she lost all rights to consideration from me, as I see it. I do agree however, that my husband is another thing. You know what – I’ll ask him about it when he gets home from work. I was planning on stopping by him anyway, and I’ll get back to you on the subject! And thank you for asking the important questions!

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