How do I Talk to my Wife about Polygamy? Q&A

Heart-beatThe question here is one of the most common search terms I find in the statistics for people visiting my blog. So here is the answer.

Question: How do I talk to my wife about wanting a second wife?

Answer: You tell her you want a second wife, with no lies and no subterfuge. You tell her that you naturally accept that she has exactly the same right to marry plural spouses, and that you will embrace her becoming polyandrous wholeheartedly and without reservations or restrictions. You tell her you understand the enormous pain and hurt of polygamy and that you would never dream of asking this sacrifice of her without naturally offering to do the same for her. You would never do to another what you would not have them do to you – least of all your wife. You tell her that you love her unconditionally, and that if she has any objections to your becoming polygamous you will naturally respect that and stay monogamous for the rest of your life.

Simple.

6 thoughts on “How do I Talk to my Wife about Polygamy? Q&A

  1. If just one man who is thinking about taking a second ‘wife’ (inverted commas, because there can only be ONE wife) and changes his mind, you will have saved a family 🙂
    Your work is sacred.
    All the best

  2. Salamo Alaykom

    I am a muslim man 48 years married with 03’s child.
    Few months ago I meet a young lady 29 years old, who knows I am married etc. and willing
    to be my 2nd wife.
    But I am worried about my wife reaction about the idea to get a second wife.
    Please advice how can I convince my first wife to respect my decision and to not causing
    any harm.
    Many thanks

    BenBen

  3. Salaam Ben,

    First of all, if you’re worried you probably have a right to be. If your wife had been inclined to accept polygamy, you wouldn’t have felt worried. What stands out is the fact that you mention, not that your fear that she will be sad, heartbroken or maybe leaving you, but that you fear she might do you harm. Your fear here is only concerned with your selfishness and possible harm to you or your wish to get a new young wife, your worry is in no way concerned with the pain you would be causing your wife or the possibility of her leaving you. Honestly, this makes it obvious to me that you are not cut out for polygamy. In order to make polygamy work you must be extremely concerned about your wives’ feelings and willing to work hard to make them feel secure and loved. You must really love your wife, and show it, for her to be able to accept polygamy. You only worry about her reaction in relation to problems for you, not in relation to her – her life, her health and her happiness. The Quran forbids polygamy for men who have any fear that they might not be able to be absolutely fair to their wives. You have already proven to us by your question that you don’t have it in you. So my advice is, forget about it. In stead pray to Allah that he will grant you a way to make your first wife love you and be content with you. Then, most probably, you will also be content with her.
    Also, you wrtie that you have met a lady. You have no business galavanting around, meeting ladies. This relationship is haram from the start. Think about that, before you do things that will land you in hell on earth and for eternity.

  4. There is a leaf for every branch. The simplest way i see it happening if you are up front from the start. Otherwise present the option like a joke and see what she thinks about the idea and who know… Good Luck!

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