To want the same as the co-spouse. To envy everything they get. To compare and hate it when you feel you are getting something less, or not as good. To know, and be hurt by, that what they get would have been yours and your children’s if your husband hadn’t decided to become polygamous. They are getting what should rightfully have been yours. Envy is an inevitable plague in polygamy
When my husband married his #2, he bought her a small semi in St Albans. It was all he could afford since he had to be just in sharing his money between her and me according to islamic rules. When I married Graham we bought an old farmhouse together in the Chilterns. We payed half each. It cost quite a lot, even though it was rather cheap for the area since it needed a lot of work done. Graham and I are still renovating, turning it into the house of our dreams. When Bimbo had to move to Oman, my husband sold the semi in St Albans. He sent some money to her family in Yemen, he is paying his aunt for #2’s keep, and he has set the rest aside to be able to afford traveling to Oman to visit four times a year.
Now, when Graham is moving into the annex, my husband of course is going through a rough time. Not only is the proximity a new test, having to see Graham every now and again, bumping into me and Graham together, being able to see us at night through the windows – it can be rather trying at times. But my husband has also realized that he has nowhere to escape anymore. Before, he always went to Bimbo when I went to Graham. Now, my husband is home alone on my days away.
The thing he’s really upset about now though is that I have the house in the Chilterns with Graham, while he has nowhere else to go, alone or with me. Now in the summer, Graham and I spend most of our time in the Chilterns, and my son and daughter visit as often as they can. My husband meanwhile stays at home alone. I can tell you it bugs him!! And on my husband’s days we stay in London. My husband is saying that I’m not being just, that we should have our own place too, somewhere in the country. Thing is, he simply can’t afford it! He couldn’t pay 2-3 00 000, and I’m not paying for all of it, that wouldn’t be fair to Graham.
This is eating my husband. Simply eating him!!!
He keeps saying things like “If you loved me you would want the same for me that you’re having with him”, “You’re not supposed to have a favourite” and “It’s your fault I don’t get to see so much of my daughter since she’s always going with you to the Chilterns” and so on.
I just say “Look how easy it is to forget who landed us in polygamy in the first place. You were all about sharing then!! Cheer up, it’s good for you to humble yourself, share and want for your brother what you want for yourself!”
Oddly, he doesn’t seem to appreciate it the way he wanted me to, when he became polygamous.