A Husband Laying down the Law to his Second Wife

Source:Wikimedia Commons

Source:Wikimedia Commons

I have been skyping with my mother in law. She is such a fantastic woman!

She has been living in Oman now for the better part of 30 years, keeping her integrity, living her life as a free independent equal woman, supported by her husband and gradually she has been able to get the rest of his family to accept her point of view too.

Now though, she was worried.

My husband’s #2 is going to live with the eldest sister of my father in law. She is sickly and in need of help. Her best friend is living with her since she became a widow, but that lady is very old too and not of much help. #2 is staying there already since my parents in law won’t allow her in their home. My husband however has to live at home out of respect for his parents, but also because he can’t inconvenience the friend of his aunt.

So – they are already forced to live apart!

Now, my mother in law told me my husband had been over to see #2, and he had brought an imam. His aunt had called my mother in law and told her all about it. Obviously, my husband had brought the imam so they could lay down the law to #2, and tell her the rules for the future. She is not to accept any visitors that are not approved by my husband. She may skype with her mother and father on occasion, but nobody else. She may not leave the house without my husband’s explicit approval. She will not be allowed to go back to her studies, but is only allowed to do islamic studies via recorded lectures.

My mother in law didn’t know what to do. She said, basically in Oman my husband has a right to do this to #2. But my mother in law would never have accepted it normally, and my father in law would not have allowed it to happen in his family. But with things as they are, they don’t really know what to do.

My mother in law asked me what I thought. Did I want them to try and get #2 “a better deal” or did I want them to turn a blind eye?

Tricky one…

4 thoughts on “A Husband Laying down the Law to his Second Wife

  1. Is it a tricky one? The way I see it – if you really want to get this woman out of your life for good – you will help her get an education, you will help her understand that women these days have rights and they don’t have to accept this kind of treatment! You have to help her see that she has options. She is young and should have her whole life ahead. What gives your husband the right to do something so emotionally abusive to her because of her youth, inexperience, and make her believe God wants this. What is the purpose of this blog?? Isn’t this exact kind of situation what this blog is addressing?? Isn’t equality what you are preaching on this blog??

    I am not sure what your mother in law means – “with things as they are, they don’t know what to do”! Really? – what is different about this situation and any other one that she and her husband would normally not allow and would step in and intervene? The question for all of you – do you believe in equality for all women – or just the ones you don’t hate?? The fact that their own son is doing something so low and disgusting to this young girl makes it all so much clearer as to what they should do. Obviously, they have a huge influence and a great deal of control over him!

    To sit back and do nothing and let this girl be emotionally abused and controlled like this – is hypocritical to say the least!!! I really hope you all will do the right thing – in spite of your anger towards this girl! It’s just wrong! But you know that already – don’t you!

  2. There is one thing I don’t understand and that’s your husbands behavior with this girl. His mother is a strong independent woman so he was not raised to treat women like this. You are a strong independent woman. I assume your daughter was raised to be a strong independent woman. So where is this coming from? Why is your husband treating this girl this way – when he has been surrounded by strong independent equal women all his life? This is not the norm for him – so why does he think this is OK to do now? Is he that scared of loosing her, that scared that he is not man enough to keep her without controlling everything in her life? Kind of a sad commentary on him and his self esteem isn’t it?

  3. My thoughts exactly. I really don’t know where this now’s coming from. It does indicate fear, doesn’t it? I haven’t decided what to make of it yet…

  4. Does she matter so much to him as a person that he’d be afraid of losing her? He once said he does not know any more what “this girl” is doing in his bed. Seems to me like she is relatively exchangeable to him. What I do think is that maybe he was never fully happy with being surrounded by strong women only. There must have been this evil patriarch inside him wanting to show women their place. With his mother, wife, daughter he could not do so, so he took not only an 18 year old he’d have lots of life experience and age over. He chose someone completely inexperienced and uneducated in the world, someone he could fully dominate by her tradition and upbringing, in short: someone he would be far superior to.

    It’s actually really disgusting and disturbing because it seems very premeditated. The regular guy next door, liberal, with a strong mother and strong wife, would completely dominate someone who can be dominated once he gets the chance. Gone the pretty liberal ideals, at least with a woman he can act this way.

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