At the same time in Oman…


41px-Smiley_green_alien_sad.svgMy husband has been e-mailing me, letting me know they arrived safely and that everything is ok – the “Love and kisses” kind of e-mail.

Yesterday he called me on Skype. It felt a bit awkward. In polygamy, the things that can not be said are often more difficult to handle than the things that are said…

Is his #2 sad, angry, afraid, comfortable, relieved? I don’t know. We can’t talk about her, not the way things are. My husband didn’t ask about Graham either. Mostly we just talked about the heat, the food, laughed about the way my husband already has a nice tan while I am white enough to make an aspirin on my skin look like a birthmark 🙂

Finally I asked him: How are you holding up?

I just had time to see his face crack and fall apart before he splurted “Gotta go”.

I suppose that answers my question.

3 thoughts on “At the same time in Oman…

  1. as-salaam ‘alaykum

    thank you for sharing you talk of many things i have thought of and want to know. i am first wife i have a good husband and a second i accepted and we can live and share but we are not together much. my husband wanted second wife and in begining i said yes but when i had fallen in love it was very dificult to have second. my husband has been kind and helpd me much and wants to help but i cant help it hurts anyway and i cry. my husband has always wanted 2 wifes and is a good husband and trys to understand and when i ask why he explains that he wants to be a good husband to 2 wifes and i ask if he can love me like before and he says always yes. but when i ask how he can leave and close the door and i am crying alone he gets upset and can not explain how he can do that. can you explain? can you say how it is possibly to walk and close the door when your wife is crying after you? please and thank you shukran

  2. Hello Amina and welcome to Polygamy 911!
    That sure is a difficult question! Difficult, and important.
    When my husband told me he had taken a second wife, that was one of the things I kept asking myself. How could he stand seeing my pain and suffering and know he caused it? I just couldn’t get my head, or heart, around it. How can anybody do that? How can anybody hurt somebody so badly, so profoundly, and claim to love them? Watch them suffer and keep walking away?

    (To me really the worst thing was not when my husband closed the door behind him and left me to cry, scream and vomit alone while he was off falling in love and fucking another woman, the worst part was always when he came back. When he stood there again with the poodle look on his face, expecting me to submit, to suck it up, to open my legs to him and let him invade my body with her touch and her acari still lingering on his skin…)

    The day I told him I had become polygamous too, the day I told him he would have to share me with my second husband or lose me, that’s the day when I learned what real pain looks like in a loved one’s face. That is also the day when I knew I had to be strong and leave him with his pain. There was no turning back. Had I given in to his pain, had I chosen to stay, I would never have been a free person again. I had to leave to remain me. Do you see? I hoped he would be there when I came back. But the choice was between risking to lose him, or definitely losing myself.

    I do think this is how men feel too, when they become polygamous. To them, having many wives, being able to make their women bend to their will,being a strong man in control of his feelings, is essential to their identity. So your husband has to choose between his self image and you. That is why he manages to close the door, and leave.

    Thank you very much for your post. Your question helped me learn things about myself and my situation. I wish you all the best.

  3. Gee that is gross! I never thought of the acari, thanks for feeding me that image Fiona :p

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