A Polygamous Father shouldn’t be Torn Between his Wives and his Kids.

By: D S Pruitt

By: D S Pruitt

Finally on vacation!

Everything is just as fabulous as I had imagined. Graham and I are relaxing, swimming and enjoying the local cuisine. I love jerk chicken! 🙂

During these weeks I won’t be able to write every day as I use to, but I’ll try and make sure your comments are posted, and I’ll try to answer too but it might take some time. I hope you forgive me.

I just had to write a few words to comment on a statement I happened to see on another polygamy blog:

A father ( in polygamy) shouldn’t be torn between his wives and his kids.

This is such bullshit!!

No father in polygamy “is torn” between his wives and his children. A father in polygamy, who chose polygamy, has spat on his first wife and children and left them to cry and hurt without a father half the time (or more if the father chooses to have more wives) while he is off fucking another woman, maybe making children with her who consequently will grow up with an absent, wife-abusing misogynist excuse for a father. There is no “being torn” about it. A father who chooses to  give up half his parenthood to go off and get laid is not being torn – he’s being an abusive mother-fucker who should never be allowed to have children in the first place.

 

11 thoughts on “A Polygamous Father shouldn’t be Torn Between his Wives and his Kids.

  1. I will tell you about my father. He travelled a lot in work, he was away long periods when I was younger. He sent us some money but not a lot. Mum said he needed to be able to send money to his parents in Pakistan. Mum worked two half time jobs to provide for us me and my brother, sometimes she got enough tips to be able to give some money to dad even. One day my father came home from one of his journeys. He brought a woman, a son and a daughter. He told us it was his second wife who he had been married to for ten years and our brother and sister. He said they would live in a house about 40 minutes from us and he would live there half the time. He ordered my mother to give them half of our furniture and stuff to help them set up house. He told us to love our new brother, sister and mother and he told my mother a woman can only go to heaven if she shares and obeys her husband. She never cried or anything my mother. She gave away her things like my father said and gave up. I think she died inside she was never the same again and me and my brother never will be the same. My father has never remebered my birthday he wasn’t there when I was sick he didn’t come when I won games. He just punished us for being disrespectful when we cried because he had missed spending Eid with us, or because our classmates had screamed damned pollies after us. I hate my father and I hate polygamy. I will never know from my father but I would like to know how men think when they give up being there for their children. I have never found a blog where a polygamos man explains this. I dont want to know about halal, I dont want to know about taking care of a lonely woman, I like to know how they can give up half their life with their children.
    I will never forgive my father.

  2. I don’t even know my father. He is just somebody who turns up twice a year to share bedroom with my mother. My mother says she prefers it that way as long as he pays for us. I have never met his other family they live in US. Some months he calls us on skype and mother tells us to smile at him. I am going to find a work so I never need any husband at all and never a husband I have to share.

  3. My dad married a second time when I was younger . I don’t think he asked my mom because i know she wasnt happy . I only knew it when he got a son from that woman . The boy is 6 yrs old and I am 15 . Of course we don’t live together and I see my ‘brother’ very rarely but my father and mother are still married and he is not always home . I don’t love him like my mom and i HATE that other woman although I only saw when I was little she was my dad ‘s secretary . Think my dad has another home and he likes his other family better makes me feel unloved .

  4. Dear Dawed, Maryam and Zeinab Welcome, and thank you for posting! I admire the way you share your feelings, I know there are a lot of visitors here who will be strengthened and helped by reading your stories and knowing they are not alone. Many children feel ashamed when their fathers become polygamous, feel that it maybe somehow is their fault. Of course, many also feel betrayed, angry and abandoned. I know my children did, even though they were grown up and had just left home when their father took a second wife. Also, seeing their mothers suffer is extremely painful for most children with polygamous fathers… Like you say Dawed, I wish these fathers would let us know how they feel about sacrificing the happiness of their children this way, I myself will never understand it and I’m afraid no father will ever give an explanation I could accept. I understand why you feel hesitant about marriage Maryam! Getting an education and being self reliant sounds exactly right. 🙂 And Zeinab, hating your father’s second is perfectly natural. I would too! (In fact, I loathe my husband’s #2..) The only thing that helps is trying to love yourself, and knowing you are worth to be loved! ❤

    If any polygamous man out there is brave enough, honest enough, to answer Dawed's question, that would be appreciated!

  5. I will try to answer.
    I have two wives, they are intelligent, strong and kind. I had two children when I married my second wife and I now have three children with my first wife and one child with my second.
    They are the best mothers in the world. I chose my wives for their character and their religion. I married them because I knew they would be the mothers I wanted for my children to give them a good home and education. I knew that my first wife would be able to give my children everything they need the days I am gone, otherwise I would not have married a second. You need to trust and love your wife very much if you want to marry a second. That is something I wanted to write because this blog only tells the dark stories. I love all my children. I know that they are safe and loved with their mothers. I give them my love, my strength and my leadership. Yes, it is difficult to give up half my time with them. I miss them when I am not with them. I know they miss me. But I also thin if I had not married a second my beautiful daughter with her would not exist. That is a thought that tells me that I made the right choice. Peace.

  6. If a man does not give a damn about practising polygamy without the happy consent of his wife he is nothing but a selfish, spoiled brat.

    Please do not say you love your wife. That is a total insult to all those genuinely loving, self sacrificing and kind-hearted husbands out there. When a man is genuinely in love with a woman, he makes all sorts of sacrifices for her. The thought of his wife crying should be his worst nightmare.

    I do not get it. The husband is the man the woman puts all her trust in. He should be her guard, her understanding companion and the one who comforts her in her times of distress. He isn’t the one who inflicts the pain and on top of that claim to love her. I personally would like to be closer to my wife than she is to herself. I cannot ever imagine a truly amazing husband becoming a source of tribulation for the wife. Even as a man the very thought makes me sick. [And I am not even married yet].

    If you married the other woman with a proper reason to, like say marrying an old widow with five kids, then I could have taken you seriously. But you did not mention anything as such in your rather blatantly offensive statement. [Yes it is offensive to these kids and many more in the world whose fathers left their mothers heartbroken while they went off to make love with another woman].

  7. I am too horrified for words. You still did not explain how you could subject your kids to that. You just wanted to enjoy yourself and leave others to cope with your pleasures and desires for the rest of their lives. You are SOOO in love with your wife that you want her tears to wash away the mess of pain that you leave her with just so that you could have fun with another.

    You went on a mantra on how you chose patient mothers who would be able to cope with a lame husband. I am sorry to say this, but it is NOT you, but YOUR wives who are the REAL source of strength for your children.

    P.S The only times I have seen polygamy work, is when it was consensual with a happy and agreeing first wife, not some cheated, deceived or bullied/coerced first wife.

  8. Based on the description here, it DOES seem that the father goes off and leaves the first wife and children behind half of the time. Everyone commenting here seems to be on the same page culturally in terms of what the husbands are doing. But not all times in polygamy does the polygamous partner leave. There are families in which the home is shared and the children see each other as brothers and sisters. Aren’t situations really as varied as people are?

    In America, more than 1/2 of marriages end in divorce. THOSE children miss their fathers and mothers when they are with the other parent. Is that not worse? I would say, in Zak’s example, at least Zak’s 3 children with his first wife know that sometimes Daddy comes home, whereas children of divorce only get to go “visit” the other parent.

    I do agree with Daagh, though. Anything polygamous is best done ONLY with the consent of the first spouse. But then, that’s true of anything in marriage. Coercing or deceiving a partner simply should not be an option.

  9. Hi Rainwater Bluesky, welcome and thank you for posting! In islam, the wives have a right to separate living accommodations. So in islam, the basis of polygyny is not shared living. After a divorce, most parents marry again, providing the children with two sets of parents. This means that the children will have a biological father, and an acting father, a biological mother and an acting mother. They don’t go without, the way children are forced to in islamic polygyny. In most European countries parents share custody after divorce, the children don’t live with one parent and visit the other.

  10. Congratulation that you have wife that can be trusted to take care of your kid. Your wife is a good leader of the family, while you cant be trusted as a leader of the family. What did you say to her when you got married? “My religion allow me to be unfaithful to you and our kids”?

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