I am About to Tell my Husband that I am Turning the Tables on Him

フジコ口紅01a斜I have become addicted to this blog!

The first thing I do every day is check for new posts.. I love reading about your story and you seem to be so strong and handle everything so well. I am going to try to be like you!

When I was a teenager I wasn’t very happy. My family had problems and I had problems too. I had a boyfriend who was my great love and my best friend. I don’t know if I had made it through my teens without him! We were planning to marry. But I was never really happy, I felt something was missing. Then I found Islam and I became a muslim.

I wanted my boyfriend to become muslim too, but he couldn’t so we drifted apart.

I got married. I was introduced to a nice man through my masjid. I liked him and we were married. He is a fantastic man, a good friend and a good person. He always tries to do his best, and I have been very happy with him. We have a daughter who is now 4 years old.

I became a first wife early last year, when my husband married again. He talked about it with me first. He said he wanted to have a better chance to have sons, and he also wanted to help out this woman who had lost her husband. I really didn’t want to have a co-wife, I said we can try to have more children, but my husband already had his heart set on this. He said I shouldn’t be selfish. I became a co-wife, and I have been trying very hard to be happy in polygamy. BUT I SIMPLY CAN’T! There are too many things I can’t accept. I can’t believe Allah would want me to hurt as much as I do, I can’t believe Allah would want for my daughter to be without a father when she wants and needs him, I can’t believe Allah would create half of all humans to hurt the other half – the half they claim to love. And I can’t believe Allah wants me to be alone half the time for the rest of my life, while my husband is loved all the time. No. I refuse to believe it.

I look at what I have written and my heart is pounding. These are thoughts I shouldn’t have. This is wrong. But even Allah said we can not be blamed for what is in our hearts. And this is in my heart.

When I found your blog I could recognize every feeling, I read every post over and over again. It felt like you were speaking to me!

Some time ago my former boyfriend, the one man I have fallen in love with, met my sister in town. He had told her that his wife died. He asked about me. She told him where to find me, and that I was living polygamy. He called me, and we met. I just wanted to talk to him, to meet up with my past. I ended up pouring out my heart to him. We felt such a strong attraction. I told him we can not see each other again and he understood.

So I went home to my loneliness and my half a husband. A bit later my husband told me my co-wife is pregnant. My husband is so happy, and he thinks I should be happy too. He thinks I am a bad sister in faith because I am not happy. Sharing is pain, sharing sucks, I hate sharing. And now my daughter will have to share her father with another woman’s baby. This baby will only get half a father. Nobody gets what they want, except my husband..

But now I have decided. I called my old love and we met again. I said I still love him. I asked if he would live polygamy with me. I said I will love him and always be true to him and be a good wife to him, if he accepts that I am polygamous and have one more husband. He said he is willing to try.

My husband is with my co-wife until late tomorrow. He will be coming to me after work tomorrow night. I will tell him then, that he is becoming a first husband on Monday. Take it or leave it.

I am very nervous now…. Pray for me! 🙂

11 thoughts on “I am About to Tell my Husband that I am Turning the Tables on Him

  1. Hello, and thank you for joining us! I admire your standing up for yourself, but I agree with Vera. Please be careful. A lot of men, especially muslim men or men from certain cultures, will react violently to having their wife enter another relationship. Maybe having other people around is a good idea? Try to stay safe! But I for one am rooting for you. And please yes – keep us posted! (You can see how my husband reacted when I told him I had become polygamous too, if you read the posts in category “Coping with polygamy – from Monogamy to Polygamy”)

  2. I told him! We were sitting down after our evening meal and my husband was browsing through the channels looking for something nice to watch on tv and I simply told him! I didn’t have the nerve to tell him we’re having our weddingceremony on Monday, but I told him everything else. He was simply dumbfounded. He kept saying “I don’t believe it”. “But you’re not allowed” and “You can’t do this to me” and I kept saying that I am allowed since I am not cheating on him and as his wife I will stay true, but the half-a-wife he has given up will belong to someone else, and I am not doing this TO HIM, I am doing it FOR ME. I thought he would be angry but he wasn’t he was just upset and very very sad and cried. In the end he just said he would let me think again because he thought I would change my mind since women don’t really want to be polygamous. We went to bed and he made love to me and afterwards he said “There you see, you don’t want another husband”.. That sure made me angry, I mean what does he think? That it’s about sex???? Ok. I f he doesn’t say anything about it today, I won’t either. But on Monday I am going to marry again. This has just made me more firm in that decision!

  3. Fantastic! You are very brave!! I am so glad you were able to be honest with your husband, and I am glad thinking of all the happiness that awaits you. Living in equal polygamy – not polygyny – really can be a bliss! I am so hoping it will turn out to be fantastic for you! As to your husband’s reaction, I’m not really surprised. Islam, and muslim imams, teach that women are emotionally, intellectually, sexually and biologically different (and inferior) from men. Apart from some obvious differences, this is all crap of course. But men tend to believe it because it suits their purposes, and it’s the way they’ve been brought up. So he probably thought you just wanted to make him jealous because he has a second, pregnant, wife, and some sex and a lollipop would make you sweet again… He’s got another thing coming… 🙂 Just some questions: If he should leave you, are you prepared to let that happen? Do you have your own job so you can support yourself? From what you’ve told us it sounds like you live in a western, civilized, democratic country, I hope that is so because otherwise you might be in danger…Please, let us know what happens!

  4. Here I am again, and I am fine but it has been a very hard time for me for us all.My husband left and went to my co and I think he believed I had been joking or frightening him because I was lealous. I had my weddingceremony with my new husband ( 🙂 ) on monday last it was very serene and I was so happy I don’t have words to describe the feeling. Now I know why men want to be polygamous. 🙂 In the evening my husband called and asked if I was ok and I said I was great and that I had gotten married. You can’t believe how he screamed! I thought he would have a heartattack he screamed and screamed and it never stopped. He asked where i was and I said I wouldn’t tell and he screamed he would come and kill my “lover”.. I told him we would speak again when he was calm and I hung up. I was afraid and sad but I was still happy. I decided to enjoy my wedding night and you know I did! I could turn everything off and just be a happy bride! You are right Fiona, women can do this just as good! The day before I went home I texted my husband and asked him to call if he was calm He called and was very upset but more sad than angry. He said we’d talk when I came home but he thought he would want talaq. I knew it might happen. When I came home I told him I love him so much, that I will be a better wife to him because I am happy. He said he felt angry and ashamed and all hurt and pain. We had a long talk and in the end he went to bed in the guestroom. I thought I would lose him. But he came in the morning and said he had to think and that he didn’t want a divorce. We talked and talked but we weren’t intimate. He went back to co, and I am with my new husband. I don’t know what will happen but it feels ok and I hope I won’t be divorced… Keep your fingers crossed for me lol

  5. I’m so glad you’re back because I have been very eager to find out what happened! I’m so glad you’re ok… May I ask, where do you live? My guess is that you’re living somewhere in the west, because democracy and equality are powerful ideas that seem to be able to seep through sometimes even to muslim men if they have been influenced by these ideas for a long enough time. And sometimes that means that they end up in a turmoil when they realize that their religious beliefs are misogynous and are making abusers and oppressors out of them. They have to go through a kind of catharsis in order to get through this process. Maybe your husband will win this race towards becoming an emphatic, decent, democratic and civilized person and stay in the marriage. I hope so! But if he loses and leaves, good riddance! No husband at all is far better than an abusive islamist who will consider it a god given right to beat you and starve you for not being happy that he is off fucking other women. Please keep us posted!

  6. I have been getting so much from this blog, thank you Fiona. My life would not be the same without you! I have been reading every day but I haven’t written because I wnated to be sure how things turned out first. I am allright! My husband brought an imam home to try and scare me to leave my second husband. I refused. The imam said my husband should lock me up and beat me. I asked which husband? lol I knew my husband would never do that and he didn’t. We had all sorts of discussions, we both cried and screamed. He finally said he would leave nr 2 and we would all be monogamos again. I said no, just like you! My I showed him your blog, and we have been reading the From monogamy to polygamy chapters together. You have been such help you don’t know half of it! My husband has now accepted that I am married to nr 2. We are all living polygamy. I see things have changed for you. I hope you are ok. I can’t thank you enough. I am happy today because of you. I wish all women could read your blog and know their worth and rights!

  7. Why, because for once it’s not only women who have to share, and live with half or third of a life? Because it’s not only men who experience sexual pleasure with multiple partners?

    I respect people who think promiscuity is wrong for them. I respect people who think promiscuity is right for them. What I don’t respect is when people say sexual morals in the sense of fidelity and monogamy are important, and then certain elevated people can suddenly be promiscuous all they want, with several women they have obscure paperwork with, women they “their right hands possess” etc.

  8. Oh my god. I laughed so hard when I read the, “which husband?” comment. I love this and am so happy your husband has accepted your completely polygamous relationship!

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