The Bondage of a Muslim Wife

400px-Young_Saudi_Arabian_woman_in_AbhaMy husband came home last night and told me he was sorry. So sorry. Again.

He understands that the jam he is in is of his own making. He’s just, like men normally do, looking for a way to convince himself it’s somebody else’s fault, preferably his wife’s.  His #2:s fault for wanting a baby, or my fault for not wanting him to have a baby, either one. As long as he doesn’t have to cope with it all being his fault.

Lies in marriage is something horrible, and they seem to grow and live forever. This is why it sickens me that islam allows men to lie to their wives, and imams all over the internet actually encourage men to lie to their wives to keep peace in the house. It’s degrading and disgusting and an excellent example of how islam honours women.

I mean, look at my “co-wife”. She married a man more than twice her age. She obeyed her father who wanted this marriage for her. She had no say in it, other than obedience and silence in islam is considered being consent. Since then my husband has filled her with lies. Lies about why she’s not getting pregnant, lies about planning to leave me, lies about his wealth. (He comes off as a very wealthy man with his Cartier, his Aston Martin, his tailored clothes – but they’re all paid for by me. My husband only has a moderate income, and a small allowance from his family in Oman). And in his mind, all those lies are allowed since he’s a muslim husband. If she had been an ordinary woman she would have been able to go to an ob and to have an examination and find out that it’s not her fault that she can’t get pregnant. But being a muslim woman she can’t do that without my husband’s permission and she’s not getting it because he is protecting his lies. And still, he’s feeling ok with it because being a muslim husband he is within his rights to make her a prisoner in her home.

He also told me that he has ordered her to stop nagging him about pregnancy. He has told her that it makes him angry with her and when a husband is angry with his wife the angels curse her. He has told her that if she doesn’t shut up about it she is Naashiz and she will go to hell for it, and he has a right to beat her if she doesn’t mend her ways.

I asked him if he really felt good about using religion this way, and he says religion and religious rules wouldn’t be made this way if it wasn’t allowed for a husband to use them.

Anyway, he came home and apologized. He promised me he will tell her the truth. Don’t know if I believe him.

We had a nice evening together after having talked though. The sun is actually out today, believe it or not, so we’ve decided to go for an outing. 🙂

I miss the Chilterns on days like these though, I would have loved to help Graham with the barn conversion and we could have had coffee out in the meadow. This is the backside to polygamy… I’ll text him and tell him how much I miss him.

5 thoughts on “The Bondage of a Muslim Wife

  1. Everyone are capable of lying.. people lies, most of the time it is natural to lie but what’s important is the intention, if the intention is bad then… that’s the bad thing if the intention is good… surely it will be beneficial. Only God knows who’s bad or good.

  2. How can lies be beneficial? They represent that which is false. How can it be good to spread falsehood and deception? If there is a god I’m sure she can tell the difference between false and true….

  3. “He comes off as a very wealthy man with his Cartier, his Aston Martin, his tailored clothes – but they’re all paid for by me. My husband only has a moderate income, and a small allowance from his family in Oman.”

    Good God(ess). I keep discovering new angles to your story. I do consider myself progressive, and see nothing wrong with a woman earning or having the money provided the framework is one where both defy gender norms. But a man who obviously isn’t one defying gender norms, but living patriarchy, yet has his wife pay for teh Cartier, tailored clothes, the Aston Martin he shows off: THAT IS NOT A MAN.

  4. Please do. And let me know what he responds. Still recovering from this bummer, mentally!

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