Every four days I have to say goodbye to him, knowing that he is going to his second “wife”, and that she is waiting for him to show up, happy to see her, with a grin on his face and wanting to make love.
It’s an ongoing, never ending heartbreak.
When my husband comes home after four days with #2, I always feel a bit cold towards him. Thoughts about what he has done during his days with her are still tormenting me. My body reacts and I find it difficult to be close with him, I don’t want to even kiss him when he comes through the door. I have to adjust to having him there, to allowing him back into my thoughts after having blocked him out.
The second day it starts to feel natural again, the awkwardness disappears. The third day I start bracing myself against his leaving again. I distance myself from him both mentally and physically. I close, not only the door to my body to him, but the door to my soul. I want to lessen the hurt by gradually shutting him out. Even if we make love the last day, I do it without letting my heart get involved. Does it help? I don’t know really, but I just can’t help this reaction. I notice my husband doing the same.
Saying goodbye to Graham is something completely different. I know he’ll be all mine, even when I’m not there. I am not sharing him with anybody, so our love is all ours. I do notice however that he distances himself from me the last day we’re together. I notice him acting almost angry with me, sometimes lashing out to hurt me. I can understand that. I know I am hurting him when I leave, and if it makes it easier on him to be angry with me, then fine. I owe him that.
Polygamous muslim husbands will never know what it really feel like for their wives. This especially applies to men who have become polygamous against the wishes of their wives. This is one of the reasons they will never be able to understand that they are abusers, and that they willingly torture their wives, over and over again.