To Deny my Husband his Days

Bahamas_-_No_Entry.svgMy husband texted this morning and said that #2 has been up vomiting all night, he says apparently she’s got a stomach flu. Well, I don’t want to get it – especially not from her.

So, I answered my husband that in that case he can’t come home today. He’ll have to stay with #2 and take care of her, and make the days up to me later.

He answered that if he stays with #2, I will forfeit my days.

I answered, No way! You and #2 are responsible for the situation being that I can’t use my days, since I don’t want to contract her disease. That means she has destroyed my days, hence I have a right to get them back. My husband answered no, and that he’d be going to our house in London later, and I could choose to use my days with him there or not, but that I have no right to deny him his days.

The slime! He just wants to get away from her stomach flu, and obviously he doesn’t want to nurse her and wipe puke….

So, I asked the housekeeper to alter the alarm code, and I have just texted my husband that he won’t be able to get in.

Let’s see what happens now… 😦

8 thoughts on “To Deny my Husband his Days

  1. Hi Vera, nice to hear from you! Well in islam the polygamous husband must share his time, counting nights, equally between his wives. He can’t decide for himself if he wants to be with one wife or the other, he has to abide to an equal schedule, in our case we are on a four day schedule. However, if a wife is severely ill he must take care of her, or make sure she is taken care of. The days he spends extra with her must be made up to the other wife. That’s what I was asking for. Since #2 isn’t severely ill however, he prefers to leave her. In islam, if a wife e.g. ends up in hospital she forfeits her days because her husband can’t have sex with her there and since he always has a right to sex, that right comes before her right to have her husband with her. So, he can go to another wife, and he doesn’t have to make up those days. Same if a wife is giving birth. Some muslim men go to the wife giving birth even if it’s another wife’s day, but far from all, and if they do they have to make the night up to the other wife. The husband doesn’t get any extra days to spend with the baby either. This means that many muslim women lay sick in hospitals, or give birth, alone while their husbands are off fucking their other wives. Same goes for all the night colics, influenzas, measles – you name it.
    Anyway, I’m not letting him play tricks on me with my right to my days. 🙂
    He texted back and said fine, he’ll stay with her until tomorrow, and he’ll make up the day to me later on.

  2. Yeah big time compromising on the wives, the mothers… that’s why in Islam, it is written in the Quran 3 level up respect will be given to women…than men but in reality it’s not happening in some Muslims communities or countries…

  3. Right on, itjcs! Thing is in islam, all the actual rights are on the side of men, visions are sometimes on the side of women. And the proportions are funny: the words about respecting your mother three times before your father mean nothing in reality, and in no way make up for the rules allowing men double inheritance, double standing in court, the right to have sex with their wives whenever they want regardless of her feelings, the right to marry nr 2,3 and 4 without even telling their first wife, the right to BEAT THEIR WIVES, lock her in the home, the right to divorce while denying your wife the right to divorce et.c. So one single little hadith is a poor excuse to use if you want to claim that islam is a religion that respects women… Sorry. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! =)

  4. It was a while back since you wrote this, so I don’t know if your opinion has changed, but what you describe is not Islam. That is human interpretation (a very wrong one at that) of the hadiths and Quran.

    In the old times, women were not used to working, there were no jobs like today. Women took care of the household while men were out either trading (fish, gold, clothing or other things they either catched or made), or constructing buildings and stuff like that. That was like the only occupations there was, and not many women would want to go out, carving stone, cutting trees and whatever hard labour jobs they had back then. So she was relieved from that responsibility. There were no formula back in the 6th century so obviously women breastfed, meaning they HAD to stay at home with the children for at least the duration of their nursing period. There were no contraceptives, so many women gave birth to many children and thus were bound by the responsibilities of nurturing her children for X number of years.

    The husband thus had to provide for his family, so it was made obligatory on him. Hadn’t it been, he could have seen only to fulfil his selfish wants instead of having to provide for his wife and kids. But knowing that God would punish him if he did so (since that would be going against the divine commands in the Quran), a good man would follow the rulings and provide for his family in all circumstances. Since men handled the economics of the household, it was only suitable that they get the bigger part of any inheritance too, since with that money they would need to use it to provide for their wife, children and parents. The woman on the other hand, could use those money she got from the inheritance to spend only on herself if she wished. So the rulings about who get more of the inheritance was made as a protection for the wellbeing of women and children, not as a punishment!

    Taking a second wife without telling the first is not permissible, as I already wrote in another comment. Why? Because it involves lying, if not directly then indirectly and lying is forbidden in Islam. It is also forbidden to hurt another human being, and it is forbidden to do any act which causes harm for no reason (for example, self defense if a robber attacks you would not be forbidden), and in this case the reason is only the husband’s selfish wants, thus it is forbidden to get married again and deceive the first wife, because it causes pain and sorrow and hurt for her. And it involves deceit, while she has put her trust in her husband, he does this behind her back. How can it be allowed? If some scholars say so, they are wrong!

  5. @ Zara

    You are wrong about men unilaterally managing finances and assets, and women bearing children even for 7th century Arabia. Take one small example: Khadija, wife of the prophet. She was a woman of considerable wealth, running her business. She employed prophet Mohammad.

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