Love for your Brother what you Love for Yourself


S%C3%A9pulcre_Arc-en-Barrois_111008_12Once, about two months after my husband told me he had become polygamous, he came home having spent his four days with #2 to find me in bed, shivering and crying, with all the curtains down. I was just lying there in the dark. He came and lay down beside me and sighed. After a while, he said:

“I wish you could see how much I love you, that nothing is going to change that. I wish you could stop hurting and enjoy our love and our marriage, and find it in you heart to love for your sister what you love for yourself. I so want you to stop hurting, Fiona.”

Love for your sister….. I could have just killed him when he said that…

I sat up and looked at him. I said:

“Will you promise to lie there, silently, without saying anything or interrupting me  for five minutes? Will you promise to let me talk for five minutes?” He said yes. So I said:

You remember Ali? That oily, revolting guy you hated so much who used to work at your office? Imagine coming home to me now, only to have me tell you I have married him, and that I will spend four days with him, four days with you, for the rest of your life. Imagine letting me go to spend my wedding night with him. Imagine being here alone, picturing Ali taking my clothes off, kissing my neck you know, behind the ear the way that always makes me so wild. Picture him kissing me, exploring me with his tongue, kissing my breasts. I will fall to my knees, pull down his trousers and slowly take his huge **** in my mouth, enjoying his size, the taste of him. Do you picture it husband? His **** in my mouth? He groans as I caress his **** with my tongue. I look up into Ali’s eyes and see how he wants me. I lie down on the bed and spread my legs to him. Can you picture it husband? Can you picture him getting on top of me, going down on me. Slowly, he begins to eat my *****. For just a second my mind wanders to you, home alone, crying and imagining me, but I soon forget as pleasure rises when he licks me and I scream out for him to f**k me, and slowly he enters me with his big ****, f**king me hard, smiling down on me, can you picture his smile husband? I moan and beg him to f**k me harder and faster while you’re lying here alone crying, knowing that this will go on for the rest of your life and even when I’m making love to you pictures of me f**king Ali, riding his ****, being f**ked from behind, screaming out as I come, will invade your mind and you will see his ecstatic face when he comes inside of me before your inner eyes husband, can you see it?

By this time my husband was crying like a baby, and he suddenly took hold of my arms, shook me and screamed, “Stop it! Stop it!! I can’t take it!! Stop it!!!!”

I stood up and looked at him, he was convulsing in tears.

“Look at you. You can’t take imagining it for five minutes even. But you’re making me live it for real, for the rest of my life.”

I left, and stayed the night with my brother.

16 thoughts on “Love for your Brother what you Love for Yourself

  1. I cried so much when I read this. I have felt it, I have been so ashamed, I have felt like this. My husband has been saying he wants polygamy. I am hurting so much. He says I should love for my sister what I love for myself. I am ashamed I am so jealous. I don’t want to share my husband, I see pictures like you describe, but I would never have said these pictures to my husband. But I showed him what you write and I said, read this. He read it and he was very shocked. He asked if this is what I feel, I say yes. And it is what I will feel forever, and every time you touch me. He said he didnt know.He didnt think women had these hurtful thoughts he said he thought we didnt think like this. I said that I do and it is torture to me. He read again what you wrote and he said he can’t do this to me. Maybe Fiona you have saved my life.

  2. Hello Ahimsa, and welcome to Polygamy 911. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I know the pain you’re feeling. I am sick and tired of bogus talk about women not feeling the same kind of jealousy as men, or women’s jealousy being somehow of a worse nature than men’s. One thing that I just don’t understand is how men can force their first wives into polygamy and then believe that we can enjoy having sex with them the way we did before. Don’t they understand that these are the pictures we see in our heads every time they touch us for the rest of our lives? All you men out there: THIS IS WHAT YOUR FIRST WIFE WILL SEE BEFORE HER INNER EYES EVERY TIME YOU MAKE LOVE TO HER FOR EVER AND EVER -CAN YOU STAND KNOWING THAT????!!

    I hope your husband really changes his mind. Do let us know what happens. ❤

  3. I am a wife in a polygamous marriage and while I’m sadden by your story… Where is your fear in Allah?! If you read Qur’an and contemplate it’s meaning, you would know that how you just described having sex with another man to your husband is displeasing to your Lord and I’m not even taking into consideration how your husband felt hearing it. I understand that as women we have emotions and trust me I have had my share of uncontrolled emotions being in polygamy, but at what point do you say, I love Allah and I testify to the truth of everything H informs me of in His Speech. I know that He is not going to put more on me than I can bare. The reward is with Allah and my goal is Jennah. I will have patience and give Allah control of my affairs?

    It sounds as if you are very bitter. And please forgive me if I offend you because Allah knows best that this is not my intent. I beg Allah to give you control of your emotions and to give you the understanding behind His Wisdom. Ameen. If he is a good man and a good muslim, forgive and move on. You are wasting precious time that won’t be given back…

    Also, I read on another blog that you said Imaams encourage brothers to lie to their wives. I don’t know where you live, but where I live the brothers strongly encourage the men to be honest. Not harsh, not lie, not hide, not omit. Honest with their wives BEFORE they take on another. The Imaams and students of knowledge also give examples of consequences that have resulted from deception on the part of the husband in his quest towards polygany. Now, not all men want for their sister in Islaam what they want for themselves… Those are the men who lie…

  4. Dear hizzawja2, welcome to Polygamy 911, thank you for commenting. You don’t offend me, never worry!

    I thought I had made it clear that I’m not religious, I’m not muslim, I don’t believe in allah. If I did choose to believe in a god, I would choose a god of love, of forgiveness, peace, equality and democracy. I would NOT believe in a god of vengance, misogyny, abuse, oppression and war. And I would certainly not be able to believe in a small and inferior god who cares about which foot you put first when you enter a bathroom, how you part your hair, pick your eyebrows or whether or not you wear socks when you wash before prayers – the kind of god who is obviously even more petty than my old aunt Margaret.

    The scene I describe is from the time after my husband had become polygamous, but before I had. I had at that time never had sex with anyone except my husband. I simply described to him the kind of nightmare images he was forcing on me by becoming polygamous. I was trying to make him understand what kind of tricks with your mind loving a polygamous husband plays on you.

    Forcing polygamy on your wife is rape. It’s continuous rape. Mental and physical rape.

    It was a real eye opener to my husband. He didn’t even think women were sexually jealous, he had been taught that women’s jealousy was about love – not sex. He told me, had he known, he would probably not have become polygamous, because he didn’t want that kind of torture for me. When I became polygamous – this nightmare hit my husband like a ton of bricks!! He says the sheer pain of the images of me with another man almost killed him.

    Well, if more men were forced to live polygamy – maybe the horrid culture allowing forced polygyny would slowly die, because the men being forced to live polygamy would not be able to pretend any more that it can be beneficial….
    And if there were a god, like you believe, and he wouldn’t put any burdens on a person that that person couldn’t bear – then that applies to my husband too, doesn’t it? So from that point of view, a god would have decided for my husband to learn to live with forced polyandry, just like I had to with polygyny.
    Concerning the lies, maybe you haven’t studied the hadiths properly? Here’s the quote:
    The hadith in which the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “Lies are not appropriate except in three cases: when a man speaks to his wife to please her, telling lies at times of war, and lying in order to bring about reconciliation between people.” (Reported Hasan by Shaykh al-Albaani).
    This hadith has been quoted to me by my husband, by imams et.c. so often that I know it by heart. So if you deny that this is a truth in islam, you deny a hadith of your prophet.
    I hope you are not offended by my answer, I am just trying to be truthful. Please come back and visit, you are always welcome.

  5. Pingback: Coping with Polygamy: Part Three Phase II – Self Doubt | polygamy 911

  6. Hello Fiona,

    I kindly ask U not to take any of what am saying as an offensive attempt to ur post please&request u to open ur Mind & heart &accept the many facts in my comment.

    I am a Muslim woman 24 years old. Husbands are responsible for us & Allah (u said u don’t believe in Him) told them to take care of us! All men are polygmous & we can’t DENY or suspect this FACT & put blame on them SIMPLY cos this is the way they were created. U r reacting out of emotions through ur posts here .. Emotions I understand. U r Jealous woman which is NORMAL cos u r created like that. There’s nothing wrong to be jealous if ur jealousy doesn’t make u go to level like harming ur self&husband. Don’t u think U r missing so much in ur life??? Ur husband can love U greatly YET desire the company of another woman (the way Allah created them) &please where’s The mistake in that as long as they treat each wife justly! Polygny is sumthing ur Muslim husband love so U don’t have the right to stop him loving sumthing important in his life as a man. The opportunity to encourage ur husband to be just & talk about it is going to make him prosper&matter of polygany light on U. We R not owners for our men they belong to Allah so kindly overcome selfishness before it destroys a lot in ur life(trust me U better do that so u have peace of mind&heart NOW & the future in ur life) ur Husband is a muslim & polygny is his right in Islam so u must accept it cos u r married to a muslim. He doesn’t deserve any of pain U cause him cos of the way u react of his polygamous marriage. I feel so so sorry for him when U narrate the sex sence to him, it is not the same when U have sex with another man while u r married cos U r a woman & women R linked to modesty&shyness. He didn’t commit ADULTRY with a woman he merely married and tell me which would U choose for him to do? Polygny isn’t destructive since men desire women it is the best thing for them. Look @ rate of unstable homes and amount of children out of widlock of marriage. For how long u r going to be like this? Isn’t it the time to accept ur husband’s wife&marriage while U carry a light to see the blessings in ur life&polygny benefits for women be4 the men. Believe in Allah & ur going to change to the best U can Ever be cos being Muslim it means to submit to Allah,his decree&have pleasure and the reward is He is going to make U pleased. If it wasn’t for the 1st wife rejection the married men would have taken another wife LONG time ago. If u love ur husband then accept what he loves (polygny)!

  7. Science proves that women are just as polygamous as men. Only difference is, men have used thousands of years of muscle-strength to subjugate women into obedience. Men have invented religion to keep women in bondage. Islam allows men to keep sexslaves, to beat women and to have plural wives without even telling their prior wives. It is disgusting. Women defending it is maybe even more disgusting. Jealousy is natural – in men and in women. But men have invented religious rules to prevent them ever having to be jealous. They can keep their women prisoners in their homes, they are allowed to beat them and command them to have sex at any time. they are allowed to force their women to wear black tents if they ever venture out. But men are just as ugly jealous as women. And women are just as sexual and polygamous as men. Now, happily, I can live a fulfilling polygamous life with my two husbands. As you say, Allah allows polygamy, and I’m taking advantage of that permission. 🙂

  8. super like your reply Fiona!! Jealousy is natural in women AND men. Being attracted to more than one person of opposite sex is natural for men and women. I love my husband but i do find other men attractive. If there was any religion allowing a woman to marry more than one man i would happily convert to that religion 😀

  9. I know a couple of women who are Wiccan, and they are polyamorous. Maybe that be something for you? 🙂 My own religion of equality allows it too!

  10. Laila, can’t resist, you are obviously not the Laila of Cupcake fame. Just read posts from Laila/Cupcake and you’ll meet your namesake!
    Dale

  11. No I am just a silent reader who finally started posting 🙂 what is it about Cupcakes just curious

  12. You know three Wiccans (yours truly! but I’m not polyamorous, I am somewhat bisexual however but currently completely celibate…yawn!) Wicca absolutely offers freedom in this aspect of life..”an it harm none, do what ye will”. How on earth I gave that up to be Muslim for even a minute is beyond me.

  13. Hizzawja, I find it hilarious how you feel a woman describing to her husband in graphic detail what would happen if she had sex with a man he despises is “displeasing” God. Yet her husband was actually doing this with an 18 year old at the time, not only graphically but IN REALITY. How convenient Islam allows for crass promiscuity and infidelity for men!

    It would take a very brainwashed 45-year old to agree to her husband doing the things Fiona described with an 18-year old to still be thinking “God knows best”.

  14. Zahra, I recommend you to read “What do women want?”.

    It is about the actual science behind how men and women naturally are.
    What has basically been found is that women’s sex drive is as strong as men’s.
    Religions have managed to brainwash women into believing they are not.

    I am always amazed how Islam in particular has created a wonderland for men. Several wives, but their wives do belong to them if you’re honest. They can’t just leave. In the worst of times, even as many female slaves as they want. Pure promiscuity for men, and that covered up by “male nature”.

    Unfortunately it’s untrue. If you do not believe me, why not read up on the science in the link below? You’ll be surprised how strong women’s sex drive is, and how little they are aware of it. Socialized to believe they do not “want” or are not excited visually.

    Ever wondered what the female multiple orgasm is for? To have intercourse with several males and maximize chances of conception.
    Not my saying, but biologists.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/magazine/25desire-t.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

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