Is Polygamy Selfish?

Dresseuses_d%27Hommes_7Yesterday, I asked my husband: When you decided to become polygamous, did you see it as selfish? He thought about my question long and hard and then he said, no he didn’t.

He said that he had been thinking about it for some time. Friends of his from the club for arab businessmen often talked about the advantages of polygamy, how their wives started to compete for attention, how the sex-life improved, how they felt young again by having a new love, a new young wife. They also talked about how they took on the responsibilities of providing for a new wife, of guiding her to islam and what a good deed this is. He said he really felt polygamy is a man’s right and that it can be a good deed. He understood of course that I would be hurt, but he managed to convince himself that I would eventually get to love his new wife as a member of the family, and that I would see that he was doing something good.

Well, I mean, there are people who believe in aliens in the Nevada desert too, right?

The reaction he got from me however, was way beyond anything he could have imagined. He said it really shocked him how hurt I was. If he hadn’t already committed to #2, he would have given up on the idea.

And when I became polygamous too – that’s when reality eventually dawned on him. That’s when he finally realized just what kind of pain we were talking about, the pain of all pains. That’s when he realized how out of this world selfish one must be to become polygamous against the will of one’s spouse.

He said it’s a lot like becoming a parent. You can’t really understand the love, before you have experienced it yourself. In polygamy, you’ll never understand the pain until you’ve experienced it yourself.

This is the reason why there will never be any real empathy or understanding between husband and wife in polygamy, until the right to become polygamous is gender equal.

Don’t you think that men would think differently about polygamy if they knew that by becoming polygamous they were granting the same right to their wives?

I say it again: If MEN were to be submissive and obedient to their wives, we would have more happy marriages, less war and less misery and crime. We should work to have this rule changed! 🙂

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