Fifty Shades of Polygamy

En_boca_cerrada_no_entran_moscasThere is one perspective on polygamy, and why men choose polygamy, that I very seldom find in discussions – power. Being polygamous gives a sense of power, an exhilarating, sexy sense of power.

When I see jealousy in my consorts, it shows me that they both want, need and love me – so their jealousy empowers me. When they show weakness, it makes me feel stronger. When my husband stayed with me even though I told him I had become polyandrous that proved to me that I had power over him. And feeling powerful is sexy. I asked my husband about this, and he said exactly the same thing. When he decided to become polygamous, the thought of my jealousy, of making me weaker than him by making me compete with a co-wife turned him on and made him feel powerful. Being man enough to have two women tending to his needs, competing over him was also about power and feeling powerful.It took a lot of coaxing to get this out of him and when he finally said that yes, this is it, it is about power and power being exhilarating and sexy, he said that he would NEVER have admitted that on his own accord, and NEVER to me had I been muslim.

When I am with one of my consorts, and think of the other pining for me, imagining me with the other one, it’s a strong afrodisiac because it makes me feel powerful. It also explains why my husband accepts my being polyandrous – being able to keep a strong woman who has another man, makes him feel more powerful than being able to keep a weak, submissive woman, once he got over the first sexual jealousy and hurt male pride.

One woman describes her reaction to her husband choosing to become polygamous, and his counter-reaction, like this:

In the evenings when he arrived home, I ranted and I raved. I yelled at him from the top of my lungs, spurting out obscenities. ..

Sometimes when he was watching TV or was on the computer, I’d rush right in from another room and explode-from a distance. I never got too close.  I’d leave the room, again, and then would rush back. I did this repeatedly. I kept physical distance from X, during my fits of rage, fearing he’d clobber me and I’d end up laid out on the floor. Even in my state of fury, I was fearful, not wanting to take my actions and behavior too far. I was like a “crazy woman.”  I’m sure the neighbors heard.  (I was totally mortified and humilitated; I’m glad they moved.)

X never responded to my outrage. He just continued doing what he was doing, as though I wasn’t even there.  I don’t know how he did it.  I mean this went on throughout the night, for many nights, every night?  I went on and on about how #2 just wanted his money and wanted sex. How she nor he knew anything about Islam. How it was the blind leading the blind. How he was going to practice polygamy just to hurt me, as I had hurt him by not living our lives the way he wanted me to.

At other times, I became reasonable. I actually began to get to know X better. I had an underlying motive.  I’m sure #2 thought she was very special right about now. The two of them were preparing psychologically and physically for their steamy, hot encounters.  Well, it was now time for me to get to know my husband better…to re-ignite the fire or, I should probably say, ignite it, as I don’t think it had ever been lit to begin with.

And that is what I did. (Source: Polygamy 411)


What she is describing is Fifty Shades of Polygamy. Her husband was probably getting the hard-on of his life from feeling the power he was holding over her, and the pain and sexual jealousy he was causing her. We can see that her reaction is sexual arousal too. So he got exactly what he was aiming for.

This story is told over and over again by women living polygamy. Del, for example, whose story I told in the post Del – Victim and Hater, is just now telling everybody how her husband has returned from #2 and how they fuck 4 times a night. The extreme pain he’s been allowed to cause her, and her masochist response to this, is naturally adding spice to their sexlife. The polygamous husbands however, from natural reasons, never talk about this aspect of polygamy. Of course not, since they are hiding their sexual sadism behind a cloak of religious self- righteousness.

I know this is base, but I’m trying to be honest here, because I think this is an important key to understanding why men want to be polygamous. (And women too, believe it or not).

However, being submissive is an afrodisiac too, as psychology has proven, it’s just not my cup of tea. 🙂

3 thoughts on “Fifty Shades of Polygamy

  1. I have a Ph.D in a special field of history, and an M A in Art History and Religious Studies. I used to teach history/art history and do quite a bit of writing/research. Now I have my own company where I put my knowledge to use in a new way…

  2. You know, there is currently a case on this Muslim marriage advice site going on. A Muslim woman living in polygyny is expressing her pain and difficulties and asking if she is allowed to seek separation from her husbands on such a ground. (Lets hope she does not end up on Polygamy 411).
    Its a heartbreaking read. Extremely depressing story. What do you think, Fiona?

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