Most of the time I try to be the one to leave first. That way I can avoid the flashbacks from how my life in polygamy began. The unbelievable pain of watching my husband leave to go to his other wife. To be left behind, alone, when he went off to be in love with, and make love to, his young new wife. To see pity mix with anticipation in his eyes… Just the thought of how I felt makes my skin crawl.
Today I had to stay and finish some work before I left for the Chilterns. So I had to watch my husband pack his bag and send some texts, probably saying he’s on his way and asking if he should stop to do some shopping on the way – that’s the kind of texts I get before he comes home to me anyway. And then he gave me a hug and a warm soft kiss, told me he loved me and that’s that. He left. I won’t see him until Saturday. He will be welcomed by his other “wife”, she’ll be happy to see him, kissing him. They’ll probably celebrate being back together with a nice meal. They’ll make love.
It would have killed me eventually if I hadn’t met Graham. I am so grateful I met him. He has brought me so much joy, so much love, being with him has made me whole again.
I will text him and say I am on my way, and I’ll buy some groceries to make us a lovely meal tonight to celebrate being back together. We’ll kiss and make love.
And I won’t think of my husband doing the same thing with #2.