When my husband told me he had “married” again, he showered me with explanations, excuses et.c. He was all “sharing is caring”, “exclusiveness is selfishness” “Loving her doesn’t make me love you less, rather it makes me love you more”. “Polygamy makes a marriage grow – in understanding, in love as well as in number”, “It’s allowed”, “”You will become a better person from humbling yourself, putting the need af another before your own” “God never gives us burdens we can’t carry”, “Every test is for our own advantage” et.c. Knowing that I would never accept one persons rights over another simply due to race, gender et.c. he always spoke in general terms. Man – did those sayings come back to bite him! 🙂 But you must remember – I was willing to grant him a divorce had he wanted one. I didn’t WANT it – but I had accepted it had he demanded it.
I do think his first reaction was to divorce me. I told him about my consort just before he was due to leave me to go to #2, because I wanted him to have 4 days away from me to think about it. Time came, and he didn’t leave. (After having screamed for an hour, he just sat staring out the window) I asked him about it, and he just said he refused to leave, because then I would go to HIM. I said yes, I would. So he said he wasn’t going. Gee, the fall out we had! In the end, I just up and left, while he stayed. He started calling me right away and kept calling for three days. I didn’t answer. I could see he was calling from our home phone. When I came back the fourth day he was still there. When I came in he just started to cry and said “How could you be with him, when you knew I was here waiting for you?” After that we sat down and actually TALKED. I talked about my pain, and he talked about his. When he said that he understood my feelings now, and that I had been right when I said that the general rule of never doing to anyone what you would not have done to yourself should surpass all other respects, I knew we would be fine.
We’re still struggling with issues though.
I read a thesis just the other day that showed that today, the advantages of polyandry are greater than those of monogamy and polygyny. For example, in many countries today it’s difficult to live on one salary. In polyandry you can have two, or more, men working to support the family and that is clearly better than having one man trying to support several families. Also, there are actually more men than women now, contradictory to what most pro-polygamy islamists claim. Polyandry would solve that problem. The only age-group where there are more women than men are people over 75. So getting an extra husband is alright for young women, but men should only be allowed to take a second wife if she is over 75… Men without a woman tend to become aggressive and criminal. The same does not apply to women. The children benefit as well, since children in polyandrous relationships today can be sure who is their real father, and they have greater access to male influence in their lives, and that is extremely important to children, science says. Also, having to deal with jealousy, sharing, humbling yourself in a constructive way lessens men’s natural tendency towards aggressiveness and violence. So women having more than one man is beneficial to society as well as to the individuals. Just saying 😉
What ever happens, I believe in honesty in marriage. No lies. It may hurt sometimes, but nothing hurts as much as being lied to…