Slavery and Polygyny – Islamic Hypocrisy

Aboard an Arab slave boat, in 1869

Aboard an Arab slave boat, in 1869

Muhammad had many slaves. He was a slave owner.

He also had sex with his slaves. He owned the women, and had sex with them.

Muhammad was also a polygynist.

Today, many islamic scholars claim that slavery is not allowed any more. They claim that slavery was only allowed in the historical context, but not any more. They “prove” this by referring to the quran and hadiths saying e.g. that a way to atone for a sin is to free a slave. And since freeing a slave is said to be a good thing, slavery has been abolished, and that is islamically correct. They also say that since slavery was heavily restricted, that goes to show that it was disliked, and hence it is correct to abolish slavery. There are some muslim scholars who claim that slavery is still allowed, as is having sex with your slaves, since Muhammad did this and everything that he did is perfect. These scholars seem to be exceptions though, not the rule.

Then how about polygyny?

Polygyny is only explicitly allowed in one single verse in the quran, and in An Nisa there are clearly stated restrictions, the man must be custodian of orphans and fearing not to be able to live up to that responsibility, he must not only be absolutely fair to his wives – he must harbour no fear whatsoever that he’d ever risk being unfair to them!

So Muhammad was a slave-owner and a polygynist. He didn’t free all his slaves. Today however, islamic laws have abandoned slavery while maintaining polygyny. Why?

The quran restricts slavery as well as polygyny. Today however, islamic laws have abandoned slavery while maintaining polygyny. Why?

The quran allows a man to fuck his slaves, to keep him from zina. Islam allows polygyny to keep men from zina. Today however, islamic laws have abandoned slavery while maintaining polygyny. Why?

Islamic scholars today say that slavery in the quran and hadiths must be interpreted within the limitations of historical context. What about polygyny? Today islamic laws have abandoned slavery while maintaining polygyny. Why?

Muslims in favour of polygyny often argue that we can not make haram what Allah has made halal. Slavery is not haram in the quran, nor in the hadiths. Today however, islamic laws have abandoned slavery while maintaining polygyny. Why?

I’d like to quote a text about slavery in Georgia:

The parallel between the mechanisms of slavery in christian Georgia, and women in islam is all too obvious.
Most muslim nations however have banned slavery, although it is allowed in the quran. Polygyny often remains legal.
It’s a worldwide truth, that misogyny is an even stronger force than racism.

He Doesn’t Sleep With His Other Wife

Füssli_-_Symplegma_eines_Mannes_und_einer_Frau_mit_helfender_DienerinPolygamous husbands lie.

They lie to make things easier for themselves, to avoid conflicts and to please their wives.

They lie. And islamically, they are correct in doing so. And since it is islamically correct, no muslim can believe they’re wrong in doing so, or can they?

Islamic hadiths and fatwas tell men they have a right to lie to their wives, nay really an obligation. This is what it can sound like:

It is nothing new for your co-wives to argue and fight with one another. Upon you is to make each one feel as if she alone is the special one, the sweetest one, and the most beautiful one. And there is no harm in you lying in this regard. As the Prophet (saw) said:

“Lying is permissible only in three cases.” And one of them he mentioned was: “A husband (lying) in order to please his wife.“

So let each one of your wives feel as if they are the one who you love the most. Backbiting is indeed impermissible, so saying words like, “Honey, you do know I love you more than Faatimah and Safiyyah right?” Or when she does something which pleases you, say how she is the only one who can please you like that. And use your imagination, however make it sound as realistic as possible (I hope no sisters are reading this, lol).


It was narrated that Asma’ Bint Yazeed said: “The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: ‘It is not permissible to tell lies except in three (cases): when a man speaks to his wife in a way to please her; lying in war; and lying in order to reconcile between people.’”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1939)

So muslim polygynists are taught to lie, they are taught to believe it is right to lie to their wives. Since muslim scholars also teach that women are weak, emotional, brittle creatures who should not even be allowed to leave their houses without a guardian, of course a muslim man has no problems believing it is his right to lie to his wives to “protect” them, as well as lock them up and beat them.

Forced polygyny is hell on earth, torture and unimaginable pain. Is there any wonder that women tend to cling to the lies they are told, in order to ease a fragment of the pain?

I have seen so many wives in polygyny claim that they are the favourite wife. They believe he loves them more, enjoys them more, that they are his best friend. Who can blame them? And the men know that by telling these lies, they keep feeding crack to their crack-whore wives. And islamic websites keep providing muslim polygynists the crack.

As far as first wives go, the usual lies seem to be “You are my first and only real love”, “You know me better, so you know better how to please me” “We share more memories and more love, and no other wife will ever catch up” “I only married a second because I pitied her”.

As far as second wives go the usual lies seem to be “My first wife and I haven’t loved each other for years, we just stay together because of the children/family” “My first wife is an ugly shrew, I never loved her” “My first wife is just a friend, we married for convenience”

And the most common lie all categories is “I don’t sleep with my other wife”.

(Or at least “..and if I do, I don’t enjoy it!) (…as much!)

When I see a woman in a polygynous marriage claim “My husband doesn’t sleep with his other wife”, it breaks my heart.

When I see somebody claim that something islamically correct can not be evil, it breaks my heart.

Polygamy Perks

1013483_354648064665525_279483948_nWe all know there is immense pain and suffering in polygyny.

Polygamy, however, can be a completely different matter.

A muslim polygynous man knows that his wives have no alternative but to submit to sharing their husband. When he leaves to go to another wife, they must pray for help to endure, they must cry alone at night, they must care for their children and their home alone while he is off fucking another wife, being waited on hand and foot. The wives must smile and be sweet and compete for his favour by offering the best service and the best sex. They also know he has an islamic right to beat them if they don’t.

In polygamy on the other hand, the spouse who opts for plural husbands/wives knows he or she must work at least twice as hard to keep his spouses happy, since they could choose to get plural partners too if they aren’t satisfied – or they could just leave (remember that in islam a wife is not allowed unilateral divorce, and polygyny/forced polygyny is not considered a valid reason for divorce by sharia courts).

Equal polygamy is simply a completely different ballgame. There’s still pain, as in any relationship, but there are a lot of perks too.

What do I get out of being polygamous?

1. I get to live two love stories. I share the wonderful memories, feelings and moments of two loves-of-my-life and it makes my life richer.

2. I have learned more about love itself. Love and relationships somehow become clearer and more comprehensible when love is separated from the single object. I know now that Mark is not the embodiment of love, marriage and happiness. I have become able to look at love more objectively, and it makes me better at tackling it. This in itself also makes me a better wife.

3. I live a much more active life now, since I have two lives to lead. I keep fit, and I don’t get bored.

4. I have more variation in my life now. With Graham I visit museums, concerts and exhibitions. We have a great set of friends who all enjoy the outdoors. With Mark it’s restaurants, sports and a more jet-set crowd, and weekend parties with childhood friends.

5. When I fall out with the one, I can simply head off to the other.

6. Yes. I enjoy having them “compete” over me. A bit. And I enjoy the sex. There.

Tidbits I am.

Richer in experience, an appendix poorer.

Crikey – that hurt!

Graham said I should think of it as an alternative method to lose weight, an organ at the time. :)

Right now, I’m looking forward to convalescing in the garden, having my husband wait on me hand and foot. I can point to where the work needs to be done with a virgin daiquiri.

Sadly, I lost my milk. I simply dried up. I was told there is a slight chance I might be able to get it going again, but it hurts like nothing else when I try to nurse Tamsin, I’m beginning to adjust to the thought that I have to give it up. Luckily she seems happy to substitute me with a bottle.

Mark has called several times. We pretend he’s next door, not in Oman. It will have to do for the time being.

Pakistan, Jam and Roses

JALDECJOKERWe have had many great discussions here, and not only about polygamy.

I’m glad.

It’s is so much easier to talk about the big things if we’re also able to chat about the small things. :)

Big: I read this the other day. I wish somebody could explain to me how this could happen.


This is how I make strawberry preserves:

Use 1 kg preserve sugar (with pectin) for every two pounds of strawberries.
Add half a rhubarb and 1 clove while cooking. Simmer for 15 minutes.

Preserve in clean and sealed jars.

I’d be very grateful on any advice on how to make bush roses thrive =)

Any topic you want to introduce is welcome in this thread!

Rivalry in Polygamy

ThreeringsI was behind the pottery shed, tidying up, when I heard Graham and Mark talking in front of the barn where Graham is fixing us a hammock. Mark came to the Chilterns early this morning for breakfast, to say goodbye to Tamsin and me before he’s off to Oman.

Initially they were just talking about how to attach the hammock properly. Then suddenly Mark says “I suppose you’re the kind of husband she should have had all along” and I heard Graham answer kind of slowly “Yes, I suppose so too”. Then Mark blurted out “Well, I gave her twenty years of happiness and two children before you came along and settled for scraps”. And Graham answered “Yeah – isn’t it a miracle how I managed to make a happy woman and mother again out of a tortured pile of scraps”? Mark: “You’re such a bastard” Graham: “Well, a bastard can’t be blamed for what he is, but you made yourself what you are all on your own”.

Mark took off without another word.

And now I won’t see him for 13 days.

Well my dears, I wish that had played out differently.

Husbands, Islam and Polygamy

400px-Young_Saudi_Arabian_woman_in_Abha“I love you, more than anything. You’re my life. I would never leave you. If you decide to leave me, it’s your decision, you’d be the one destroying our marriage, giving up on our life. I’d never be happy again. You are the love of my life”

My husband’s words. He said them many times when he had become polygamous and I was breaking, falling to pieces.

Of course I knew he was the one destroying our marriage. But I also knew he was right saying he’d never leave me. The way he managed to make me responsible, to have me carry the weight of choosing, was extremely cunning. He made a crack whore out of me.

I have heard hundreds of similar stories, mainly from women in Western countries who find themselves trapped in forced polygyny.

Men always have strategies to make their wives submit to polygyny. Islamic fora and websites even give advice to men on how to convince their wives to accept polygyny.

* Tell her after the fact. It will shock her, and that will give you a chance to break her in.

* Spend money on her. This will make her accept that you have another wife.(Yes, this is an actual piece of advice from an islamic Q&A forum!)

* Tell her she must obey you and fear Allah. Stay away from her and give her nights to the other wife, this will make her jealous and afraid of losing you. If that doesn’t help, hit her.

Most islamic pro-polygyny sites and blogs are adamant that a man must be firm, a strong leader, to make polygyny a success. He must make his wives submissive and obedient, and make them follow the rules he sets to make polygyny as pleasurable as possible for him.

If a wife breaks down, chastise her and tell her she must be grateful Allah gave her half a husband, insted of mourning that he took half  a husband from her and her children. If a wife says she will kill herself, it’s just because women are emotional and manipulative. Don’t fall for it! Tell her to fear Allah and go fuck your other wife, that will teach her a lesson! (What this man is to do when he returns and finds his first wife dead is unclear) If your first wife wants a divorce, just say no. If she threatens to leave you, just laugh in her face! Thank god, most muslim countries treat divorced women as lepers, so she won’t carry through, and even if she does she’ll soon be back since muslim countries won’t allow her to remarry and keep the children, and she won’t be able to feed herself without a husband. Isn’t it great?

Find it hard to believe anybody would be warped enough to give this kind of advice?

You can take a look here – and remember, a woman wrote this! (Oh, and please, read the comment from Abu Salman – that’s the perfect muslim polygamous husband for you!)

Muslim men are taught that all their base lusts and selfish desires are god given rights and that they are by divine right masters and heads. They are also taught that women are lacking in reason and intellectual ability, slaves to their biological inferiority, and that they must be treated like children.  Brainwashed women submit to these “truths”, don their veils and make sure their awrah footsteps don’t disturb their male superiors.

The perfect muslim husband – is he really the man who can marry a second wife, and when his tortured first wife cries that she will take the children and leave him, answer her:

Ok. Have a nice life.



Polygamy, Family and Summer

Backlit_Pink_Rose_Interior_With_Drops_(209284324)Back in London.

The rose garden is beautiful. I hide there with Tamsin while the city is swamped with tourists. I’ve discovered there’s a guided “Downton Abbey tour” passing outside our house – obviously they have shot some of the London scenes in the neighbourhood. It’s rather interesting to listen to the tour guides through a window, but it’s a bit annoying to have tourists all over the place, taking pictures. Still, I’m happy to be living in Downton Abbey-land, and not in Harry Potter-land :)

As I told you earlier, Mark has been planning things concerning his #2. He told me while we were in Scotland that he’s going to Oman to spend the rest of his vacation there.

Ok. I can’t stop him. I don’t know what he envisions, what kind of future he is planning. I’m just going to let the ball roll, see what happens. I’m going to use his absence to spend long lazy days in the Chilterns with my second husband, my daughter and my friends who love to visit. My son and daughter will come and stay too.

I’m building and uniting a family here.

God knows what Mark is doing.

I really do think women are much more suited to be polygamists than men are.

The Social structures that ensure obedience and conformity


A very interesting text, that gives keys to understanding the extremism of muslim converts, and the mechanisms behind e.g.!

Originally posted on Thinking Your Way Out:

"Wow Mashallah, you're so pious". What they're thinking: Urgh, why do those converts have to take it so FAR..

“Wow Mashallah, you’re so.. Um.. Pious”. What they’re actually thinking: “Urgh, why do those converts have to take it so far?”.. Image

So what is it that makes someone leave behind a fairly ordinary, everyday type of human experience to adopt an all encompassing, ideological way of thinking? How can one method of thought have so much power over the way someone lives their life?

I’ve spent a lot of time in the Muslim world, and in Muslim majority countries. Something that has always struck me in such places is that the absolutism in religious thinking which I found in Muslim minority communities in the West is not as prominent. In fact, religiously zealous people are considered a little bit batty or just too full on.

In a way, that was another part of the transforming experience for me, a part of the unravelling process. Yes, Muslims in the…

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Why does a Woman Choose to be a Second Wife?

GorgoneionHow can a woman choose to become a second wife?

It’s an enigma we keep coming back to. We understand how a selfish man, brainwashed by islam that it is his right and he is doing the ummah a favour, can opt for polygyny, hoping to gain excitement, maledom and sex.

But how can a woman agree to becoming a second wife? And, the thousand pound question, how can she live with herself if she knows she became a second wife at the expense of another woman whose life, love and health are irrevocably destroyed through this deed?

As I see it there are a few different answers to this question.

1. The second wife is extremely young and/or extremely selfish. The kind of woman who is on the maturity level of a four year old, who hides in a cupboard with a candy bar so she won’t have to share it  with anybody because all that exists in the mind is mine, mine, mine. This is the woman who believes she is the winner when she gets the man to marry her, and she is silly enough to believe that he will soon get rid of the old wife, and she will get the toy all to herself. This kind of immaturity can also be caused my mental illness.

2. The second wife is a whore. She doesn’t care the man is married, or that she is destroying a family and another woman, as long as she gets paid.

3. The second wife is a sadist. A mentally and sexually warped woman who takes pleasure in causing pain and wallowing in the misery of others.

4. The second wife is starving in the streets, watching her children from an earlier marriage die from lack of food and medicines and she is unfortunate enough to have as her only aid a muslim man who believes there is no other way to help a woman and her children than to fuck her.

These are the answers I have come up with. All second wives I have come across have belonged to one of the first three groups.